Murder on the Dance Floor
by tigersmeleth
Summary: One of Sauron's human minions has transported himself to Earth in the 1970s to help spread out Sauron's influence. The Valar send the Fellowship the bad guy and hopefully not mess up another world. Very, very AU.


I know...this is completely out of character...but I was given a huge plot bunny (thanks to Tux and Cathy :-)) and I just had to get this out of my head...so please bear with me. Ok, not very Mellon Nin centered...but I tried to make it that way...  
  
Summary: One of Sauron's human minions has transported himself to Earth in the 1970s to help spread out Sauron's influence. The Valar send the Fellowship the bad guy and hopefully not mess up another world. Very, very AU.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing! Maybe except for Sauron's minion...but she isn't even mine...she's Sauron's! Also, the little bits from "Stayin' Alive" belongs to the BeeGees and "RESPECT" belongs to Areatha Franklin  
  
Author's note: I know...it's out of character...but I couldn't help it! Also, any mistakes I've made, that's all my fault, I didn't have anyone to beta this. This is just a ridiculous little story that came from a chat. In fact...I'm not sure if it makes any sense at all! So now that's all done...here we go.  
  
Murder on the Dance Floor by tiger  
  
Sauron could feel it...the ring was so near, and he would get the ring at any cost. But what would he do with the ring when he got it? Middle-Earth, though a very nice place to rule, could get boring and too easy to rule. He was a maiar spirit...his talent lay in ruling people, so why shouldn't he get more interesting types of people to rule. It was a job...but one could always have fun on the job. He certainly did. Watching Gollum being tortured was no small pleasure for him, extracting the information he wanted gave him even more pleasure. He shifted his essence around so that it coalesced around his palantir. Oh those things were quite handy at times. He looked deeply into it...looked into the skies to find a world different from his own, a place where the Valar could not reach him...  
  
He found it, a world called Earth. Strange structures, but powerful ones that reached the sky even higher than his own Barad-dur. That is a world I must have. Think of the power that will come with it! He thought. Yes. This would be the world he would own. First though, he would have to spread his evil and he had just the person for that. He summoned Elora...yes, she would do the job nicely. **************************************************************************** **********************  
The Fellowship had been on the journey for several weeks and were no closer to the Misty Mountains than the week before. They had been walking endlessly through endless forests. This pleased Legolas, it felt good to be in the woods, it was comforting, it reminded him of Mirkwood. The others however, were sick and tired of seeing the same things over and over again. That, and the hobbits were hungry, as always.  
  
"When will be break for lunch?" Asked Pippin, rubbing his rumbly belly. "It's been a long while since breakfast."  
  
"Second breakfast, you mean" corrected Merry. He was hungry too.  
  
"We do not have time to stop for any more food, we must continue. And I thought that second breakfast was lunch!" said Boromir. Everyone else rolled their eyes. Then for a moment, everything stood still. They were in a white place, quiet and peaceful. Where were they?  
  
"Where are we?" barked Gimli. "Somebody show yourself!" That somebody did. It was an elf-like being, tall and graceful. Nobody but Legolas and Aragorn knew who this man was. They dropped to their knees in reverence.  
  
"Rise highnesses. I did not bring you here to kneel before me. I brought you and rest of the Fellowship to assist the Valar in a grave matter." The voice was deep and soothing. Everyone let go of their uneasiness. This was true then. They were meeting the gods of the elves. Aragorn and Legolas rose from their knees.  
  
"Sauron has discovered another world into which we cannot follow him and defend its people from his evil. You are the chosen Fellowship of the Ring, you must stop his underling. We will take you to a world called Earth. We will provide you with everything you need to survive in this world for a fortnight, clothing, and money. You will use your own weapons save Gimli's axe and Legolas' bow." At Gimli and Legolas' looks of confusion, the Valar continued. "You will be at something thses humans on this world call a 'dance'. You must blend in with them in order to help them. Oh and Legolas, we will have to temporarily bob your ears." With a flick of his hand, the Valar and the white place was gone.  
  
They were in a darkened room full of people. There was some strange type of music playing in the background, and people were dancing strangely. The Fellowship quietly observed each other. Aragorn was dressed entirely in black. He was wearing some type of collard shirt that was unbuttoned down to the middle of his chest, black pants with a belt and a very long black jacket that hid his sword. Boromir was dressed similarly. Gimli and the hobbits were dressed in a hodge-podge of clothing: brightly colored shirts, decorated with sparkling sequins, vests that hid their little daggers and miniature swords (it replaced Gimli's axe). Legolas was in an all white suit, with a shirt like Aragorn's, unbuttoned down to his chest. He touched his ears and groaned a little. They were round, like Aragorn's. Aragorn tried to unsuccessfully hide a smile. All of their pants were flared, they all had jewelry, and the hobbits and Gimli had platform shoes. Gandalf on the other hand, was dressed in a stern looking back and white suit that had a bow on the collar. He still had his staff.  
  
"Well, then? What are we doing?" asked Frodo. His hair was all poofed up and he had some type of purple looking glasses on his face.  
  
"Blending in I suppose." was Gandalf's answer before everything went dark and there was a muffled scream. Quick as lighting, his staff lit up and the light from it danced around in circles like the ball on the ceiling. "Nothing to be worried about people!" he shouted to all in the dancing room, and everyone started dancing again as the music went back up. Aside to the Fellowship, Gandalf muttered "blend in and investigate." So everybody spread out.  
  
The Hobbits, unsurprisingly, went to the buffet table and began eating and drinking. They were asking questions too, but didn't get any answers. But they soon gave up on that line of conversation, and the subject matter turned towards other matters...  
  
"This is a good drink, I say!" said a slightly dizzy Pippin. "What brew is this?" The women he was talking to laughed.  
  
"Samuel Adams!" They all answered. They thought the Hobbits were absolutely adorable. And the conversation went on from there, and the Hobbits forgot the reason why they were in this wonderful place in the first place as they became intoxicated. Pretty soon, they were drunk and dancing on the tables, singing the Green Dragon song, much to the delight of the ladies.  
  
Aragorn and Boromir looked at the Hobbits and shook their heads. It was useless to remind them of why there were here. Anyways, both thought that the Hobbits might as well have some fun before the journey to Mordor continued and all of their innocence would fade. They walked out into the halls, looking for anything out of the ordinary. Outside, people were talking and laughing. Like the Hobbits, they also seemed inebriated. But Aragorn sensed that something was wrong.  
  
"There is a great evil out here. I do not know who it is, but we must be on our guard. I sense that whoever Sauron's underling is, they have already sensed our presence." Aragorn softly warned Boromir. He observed a few posters on the wall. "Look over here" he said to Boromir, indicating the poster.  
  
"I don't see anything." Boromir squinted, but in the dim light, he couldn't discern anything. Aragorn touched the poster with his finger, it came away red.  
  
"Blood. A murder has recently happened. The evil did this, this blood feels evil, and it cries for revenge." Just then, a gorgeous woman walked out of a door with a sign that said 'men'. She looked like Arwen, but the feeling that she gave Aragorn was cold, and dread. His heart stopped for a minute, but it wasn't his beloved, it was a contortion of her. She turned and caught his eye. The glint in her eye became dangerous as she made his way towards the two of them. He turned to look a Boromir, he just stared at the woman, his jaw open. That had to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty could not be expressed with words. Aragorn rolled his eyes. Now was definitely not the time for lust.  
  
"Come, Boromir, we must warn the others." Aragorn took a few steps and realized that he was alone. "Boromir whe- oh" Boromir was still standing there and staring at the woman. It was the most ridiculous sight and unbefitting of the future Steward of Gondor. He walked back to him. "Boromir, let's GO." He pulled Boromir out of his trance. Boromir shook his head and sighed. Of course it was going to happen. The most beautiful woman he had ever seens would turn out to be Sauron's underling. He looked sadly back at her and left.  
  
They walked into the room that the woman just left by a different route. The sight shocked them. They saw a body of a man, horribly mutilated. His chest was initialed with the eye. Sauron. They had no time to waste. They ran back into the dance room.  
  
Elora pursed her lips. She did not like the looks of this, not at all. She sensed something in the two humans she had seen. They were not men of Earth. Those men were weak and had no backbone to them. They cried in pain all too easily. She smiled as she remembered the man she had tortured senseless. One little slash of the knife was all it took for him to cry out. Then she dragged him into a bathroom and finished off there. Those men were of Middle-Earth, a great danger to her mission. She didn't even know how they got there. No matter, she thought. They won't be going back. Oh, I'm going to have fun with them. She stalked after them with a determined look on her face, ignoring the stares that everyone was giving her.  
  
Meanwhile, Legolas and Gimli where picking up where the Hobbits left off. Still no luck. They had absolutely no clue what was going on. To blend it, they danced a little, but only a little. It would not do for the Prince of Mirkwood and a dwarf to make a spectacle of themselves in that fashion, no matter how grave the situation. They saw Aragorn and Boromir walk quickly to them.  
  
"Any luck, Mellon Nin?" Asked Legolas "We have had none. It would have helped if the Valar had described the underling to us. I have sensed it, but I do not know where it is."  
  
"Yes. It is a woman. She has a cold beauty to her and apparently has the ability to enchant men." Aragorn took a close look at his friend. There were pink sequins on his shirt that he never noticed before. He shook his head. Not the time to observe the strange clothes of these humans. "We must stop her before more killing is done."  
  
"Well then? What do we do?" ask Gimli in his own abrupt manner. "I have no intention of spending anymore time in this ridiculous suit with out my axe!"  
  
"You mean you do not want to hear the snickers of the women." said Legolas with all seriousness.  
  
"Why you--you--you pointy-eared--" Aragorn had his hand over Gimli's mouth before he drew more attention.  
  
"Not now. We have a mission to complete." Aragorn could not help but smile though, which only infuriated Gimli even more. "Hmph." was the only reply from the dwarf. Then all turned serious. The woman had come into the room and was heading towards the little group. All of the Earth humans of course, fell under her spell of beauty and did nothing. Gandalf rushed over to them  
  
"Gentleman, we have a problem." came his voice. He was dancing a little, with his staff still giving of the twisting light.  
  
"That Gandalf, is quite the understatement" said Boromir.  
  
"We have been recognized, even the Hobbits. it seems as if the Valar neglected to change their feet....I must have a talk with them when we return."  
  
"If we return, Gandalf. If that woman is Sauron's underling, we might not return at all." said Aragorn somewhat cynically. That problem had to be eliminated fast. The woman, he recognized her now. The elven lore he had been taught as a child let him connect the dots. The woman was Elora, the fallen Maiar who was the consort of Sauron. She was cursed by the Valar to be like an elf, immortal, but able to die by a fatal wound. While he did his share of brutal killing and took pleasure in it, in Elora, it was exemplified even more. Only she was more patient. She waited for the oppurtune moment. This was the oppurtune moment for her it seemed. She stalked towards them, a small knife flashing in her hand.  
  
"Yes, I know who you are, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Isildur's heir." She spoke into his mind. Her voice was so much like Arwen's. He couldn't move, he didn't want to move. How did she know of...? Of course, she had the ability to uncover even the deepest secrets. And the secret of his heritage he held close to his heart.  
  
Legolas looked at his friend worried. He had never seen Aragorn like this. Then again, the person he was trying to kill had never looked like Arwen before.  
  
"Quick, Legolas, dance! We need a distraction, for Aragorn's sake and for the sake of the others!" Gandalf said into his ear.  
  
"No! I cannot, will not! I will not sacrifice my dignity! Make Gimli do it!" Legolas said in protest. This was too much. There was no way that he was going to dance. Him, the prince of Mirkwood. The idea was ridiculous. He was an elf.  
  
"You know very well that the only person who can get Aragorn out of a trance like that is you, now go!" He pushed Legolas out into the center of the dance floor where spectators looked expectantly at him. He flicked his wrist a little and the music changed to a song that someone in the crowed had mentioned to him earlier.  
  
"Ah, ah, ah, ah...stayin' alive, stayin' alive!" The song sang over and over again. Legolas sighed in resignation and began dancing to the music, using elven dancing movements as well as the seemingly popular dancing movements that the humans liked. Round and round he went, twirling around the room. His finger was pointed and it was going up and down in a diagonal and he began break dancing in the most unusual manner, although he didn't know it. It was a fitting song, since all in the Fellowship had to stay alive through the Valar's test. He only wished that him staying alive didn't require making a fool of himself.  
  
"I will never live this down" he grumbled to himself, silently cursing Gandalf for making him dance with a smile plastered on his face. Soon enough, he drew everyone at the party towards him, especially the women. "Well, it might not be too bad" He thought. Then again, everyone around him was intoxicated in one manner or another, he had no idea what would happen. Then he looked around him and saw that he was joined by the Hobbits. By now, their hair was frizzled and their tinted glasses were lopsided but nobody seemed to care. Legolas heard many of the women exclaim "How cute!" Of course they were cute. They were hobbits.  
  
Aragorn snapped out of his trance with the image of Legolas' dancing so ridiculously. He laughed. He had to. The normally prissy elf was dancing. And he was enjoying it! Oh, he was sooo going to get it later.  
  
"Aragorn, now, go, catch her!" Elora was beginning to run. She had felt her power fade. It always faded when people were having a good time. She could not stand against the Heir of Isildur and Olorin (Gandalf) when her power waned. Grabbing the sword she had hidden under the table, she left.  
  
It was a chase around the building, she was very cunning and knew how to hide well. But they caught her in the end. She put up a good fight, but she knew that she could not go back. Her mission to spread Sauron's evil had failed the moment the Fellowship found themselves on the dance floor.  
  
"So Elora of the Maiar spirits. I have caught you at last." Gandalf couldn't keep the smugness out of his voice. They had been playing this cat and mouse game throughout the ages, with deadly consequences. It was not the first time that Sauron used her on missions to spread his evil, but it was her last.  
  
"Who says that you have caught me?" she said defiantly. She struggled against Aragorn's hold on her, but couldn't free herself. Her sword was useless as it was lying quite a distance from her. She kicked Aragorn in the groin (she took a great deal of pleasure in that, the impertinence of him handling her in that manner!) and freed herself. Knowing that nothing was left for her in Middle-Earth except for Sauron's wrath, she disintegrated herself with a scream.  
  
"Nope. I didn't catch her after all." Said Gandalf casually. "Her conscience did." He scooped up the ashes and threw them out the window. "Now that's over and done with..."  
  
"Let's go back and see what they are up to." Aragorn finished for him with a grin. He sooo wanted to know what Legolas was dancing like now! The dashed back to the dance room to find a hilarious sight waiting for them.  
  
Legolas gave up whatever sense of dignity he had left. He wasn't even on Middle-Earth anymore. He wasn't the prince of Mirkwood here. He was just Legolas and he was going to have fun. He wasn't going to get the chance back home. So he gulped a few drinks and let go. Gandalf told him to distract everyone, if anyone asked, it was all Gandalf's fault.  
  
By the time Aragorn and Gandalf arrived on the scene, it was quite obvious that the rest of the Fellowship decided to become the humans of this planet and get drunk because when they walked into the dance room, there were people crowded around the group hooting and cheering. Aragorn also took notice that most of the group were women. From the looks of things, it had been going on for quite awhile. The elf, the human, the dwarf, and the hobbits were line dancing. All were sweating and they had their sunglasses on. They were in a straight line wagging pointed fingers and singing to the lyrics at the same time.  
  
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T!..." were the lyrics and the men held out their pointed index fingers and wagged them (and themselves into the music). Then they broke into a synchronized dance that proved to Aragorn and Gandalf that they had been doing this for quite sometime.  
  
"Gandalf! Aragorn!" came the laughing voice of Legolas. "Come and join the fun! Besides, the two of you really started it...no reason why you should be left out!" Before either of them could protest, they were pulled into the middle of the dance floor. They tried to get away, but they were trapped between the other members of the Fellowship. They looked at each other. Well, what else were they going to do? They were safe now, and could no nothing until the Valar decided to send them back. So they started dancing into the night.  
  
The Valar being looked at the sight in front of him. He was somewhat shocked, to say the least. This was the Fellowship that Elrond sent out to destroy the One Ring? Impossible. Things were going out of control, it was time to send them back. Of course, it would not do for them to remember anything of their trip either...  
  
The Fellowship saw a flash of light and thanked the Valar that they were going home. All that dancing wore them out, and they needed to get to Mordor. They disappeared. The people around them gasped, but then thought nothing of it. They forgot everything anyways, they were too drunk to remember anything. They continued dancing and all was well on Earth until somebody discovered the body in the bathroom...  
  
The Fellowship woke up from a slumber in the wood. It was apparent that some time had passed, for all their things were covered in leaves and dirt. They had been asleep for more than a day. They were puzzled at the lost time, but something in them all, even in the curious Hobbits that it was perhaps best not to question what happened in the lost day. Only Legolas had some idea of what had happened because he was feeling sick to the stomach, and had a roaring headache.  
  
"Why am I having a hangover?" he thought. It was strange. He was sure that there was no alcohol, they had only water. He went to place an errant strand of hair behind his ear when he discovered something that was very wrong.  
  
"AHHHH!" he screamed, making the entire Fellowship turn around and look at him. "What happened to the points of my ears?!?!?" Everybody, but Legolas laughed. Oh yes, this was going to be a very interesting journey to Mordor!  
  
Finis. 


End file.
